A new Olive is growing!

Well, it's been a few months since my last post – and a lot has changed. In fact, pretty much everything has! Ben and I are getting used to living in Sydney, which means nearly every facet of life is different: from home, to friends, to fitness, to everything. My body has been undergoing changes of it's own, too, with a little one on the way. I'm 9 weeks pregnant today!

To be honest, it's been a tough ride so far. I hate sounding like a downer all the time, but the joy has really been sucked out of this pregnancy after miscarriage. I'm anxious all the time – I know that nothing is certain, and something could take a turn for the worst at any time. Pretty pessimistic I know, as my chances of this pregnancy being successful are actually pretty high. I saw my little peanut shaped baby at about 6 weeks, and then again at about 8 weeks when I was convinced I had miscarried again. Thank goodness for the early pregnancy emergency section of the hospital here – if something is wrong, you can talk to a midwife and get it checked out right away. I woke up in the middle of the night one night and was petrified something had happened as I didn't feel nauseated anymore and I was cramping, so I didn't sleep and went in as soon as they opened... and there was our bean with it's little heart fluttering away already at 156bpm. They say that miscarriage chances drop dramatically after you see a heartbeat, but you're not truly out of the woods until after the first trimester. I've got 3 weeks to go! Trying to keep strong and not think about it until my scan at that time.

Another mood-killer is the early pregnancy symptoms. Weird things like having no appetite except one thing which I HAVE to have (citrus fruit). The smell of the oven being turned on, subtle as it is, repulses me. I haven't had morning sickness where I've needed to run for the loo; it's been the kind of sickness where it's a nausea that lingers all day. Exhaustion is another big one – I have a nap everyday. While I'm thankful for the reasoning behind these symptoms, it can make it hard to stay positive when you feel half dead most of the time!

I also had a bit of a scare as a blood test revealed that my thyroid gland, which is responsible for converting food into energy, was not working as it should. This has actually come up in a blood test before, but it seemed to right itself. However, it's a scary thing to find out in pregnancy as it increases the chance of things going wrong – your growing bub needs sustenance, and your thyroid plays a big role in helping that happen! When I found out, I was soooo upset. I was thinking 'oh my gosh, this is what caused the miscarriage to happen last time, and it's going to happen again!'. It was horrible, that was an awful day. But after some follow up tests and bloodwork, my thyroid levels seemed to have rightened themselves. Phew! Now my blood needs to be taken every month to monitor it, and make sure everything's ok. I used to hate needles but I'm getting used to them by now. Anything to make sure things are alright!

Anyway, I've been too scared to take progress shots, or even tell people in case I 'jinx' it (see, I'm like the least superstitious person and suddenly anything could affect bub!). We have told our immediate family, despite the fear of jinxing (haha), and they've been really positive and supportive. Now it's just a waiting game until the second trimester... so hopefully you'll see a positive post at that time.

Fingers crossed.